Thou shalt...

This isn't my first rodeo folks. I've been SXSWesting since I was knee high to a grasshopper. It has gotten considerably easier since I turned 21, but it is still maddening at times. Here's some tips, sweet cheeks:

1. You don't need a badge or a wristband.
I used to get that inferior feeling from middle aged guys with goatees and
platinum passes. No more I say! That which I don't have sets me apart from the tourists. There's too many free things going on anyway.

2. RSVP for everything, even if you don't plan on going.

3. Expect chaos

4. Parking SUCKS.
I've got my bike tuned up, I learned my lesson.

5. Special Guest does not always equal special.
It either means the booking agent is shitting their pants trying to find a band that already isn't playing 5 shows that day (looking at you Vivian Girls) or there could possibly be a let down. Remember the Moby incident?

6. Go see international bands
They never disappoint.

7. Forgo the Sparks.
Caroline tells me they are stopping production anyway. "Thank Fucking God!" -My Kidneys.

8.Respect the badge.
They have their hands full. And if you're not from Texas, well, the APD tends to be a little aggro. If you end up in the clink you'll have to stew for a while because guess who else has their hands full? The 147th District judge, with unruly Californians.

9. Swimsuit.
Nothing cures a hangover better than Barton Springs. Enjoy, because UT is back in session next week.

10. Don't buy beer!
Just drop by a venue that promises free alcohol as a pit stop. I wouldn't recommend a flask, though (see #8).